Circle the letter indicating your choice. Correct answers and grading system may be found on Fish’s web site www.fishnette.net or can be requested by return snail mail.
1. The proper sequence of events for destroying the siding on a house in Boulder is:
a. Flickers peck holes, squirrels enlarge holes and set up housekeeping, raccoons invade by further enlarging holes and running squirrels off. Really, this was occuring as the letter was typed. Maybe we need a window there.
b. Fish’s climbing friends drive pitons in the siding, bears use pitons to access roof, breaking pitons out and leaving holes. The bears could get there without pitons. If they wanted
c. Squirrel exploration crews scout area and select locations for flicker drilling, marking locations with flicker testosterone; raccoons ratify selection in monthly raccoon festival on roof; flicker crews move in and begin drilling and blasting. They aren't that sophisticated. We hope.
2. Marshall Verdie Cox is (see photo above):
a. Incoming President Barack Obama’s choice for Secretary of Fun and Chaos. Could be. Once that little economy thing is solved.
b. An international-caliber athlete who holds the world record for miles clocked inside a 12’ X 16’ room in a 2 hour period. Once it's a competition, which is always possible.
c. A handsome, cheerful, 18-month-old grandson.But of course!! (Though really, he's almost 23 months now!)
d. All of the above.
3. Fish is currently employed as:
a. Bourbon sipper and brand selection expert for Pete’s North Boulder Liquor. She wishes.
b. Chief political blog monitoring and posting manager for Blogs-R-Us. No thanks.
c. Occasional babysitter for two pre-teen nephews (Charlie and Andrew, see photo) who live in Denver and send her e-mails addressed to “Doop” (rhymes with poop). A key portion of any 8-year-old boy's vocabulary.
d. Professor Fish in the Journalism program at University of Colorado, which resembles Hogwarts in many ways, including the presence of numerous suspected Dementers. Not really any Dementers. And glad to have a job!!!
4. Charlier is currently employed as:
a. Carla Bruni’s guitar player and personal escort. Right. He wishes.
b. The Linden II Homeowners’ Association special envoy for internecine warfare. He's got help from a neighbor here. Fish is glad she didn't go to the meeting.
c. Slingshot-toting flicker eradication service. This is somewhat true. But don't turn him in, it's illegal!
d. A transportation planner with great employees, wonderful clients and a seriously poisonous management style. This'd be the answer. We think.
5. The TV in our house is tuned to:
a. John Stewart’s Daily Show, football games, and 1940s holiday season movies starring Bing Crosby and broads who can dance. This'd be the deal. Forgot Colbert!
b. There is no TV in our house; Jim threw it off Flagstaff Mountain halfway through the Fall 2008 endless stupid political ads season. Wishful thinking reveals itself again.
c. The Britney Spears “live” concert channel, with the sound turned off. What the heck does this mean!?!?!
d. A text message screen that assures us Comcast is working on the problem and will restore service very soon. Occasionally the correct answer, unfortunately.
6. Fish is a recent past board member and active in:
a. BAA – Blog Addicts Anonymous. Again, not so much.
b. PFATASPS – Partially Finished And Then Abandoned Sudoku Puzzle Society. Well, if it existed.
c. JAWS – Journalism and Women Symposium. Check it out at jaws.org
d. HEFOOS – Honda Element Fanatically Obsessive Owners Society. Well, maybe.
7. This year Jenny and Marland Cox bought a home in a city…
a. Where Focus on the Family is based. They call it Jesusland.
b. With an overall violent crime rate in the top 30% of large cities nationally. But really, who needs city and county services if taxpayers have to pay?
c. At the base of Pikes Peak and only 2 hours away from Boulder. A good thing!
d. All of the above. This is it.
8. Discretionary income at the Fish-Charlier household goes to:
a. Supporting the ISU athletic program. There is one???
b. Who do you think you’re fooling – there is no ISU athletic program. Exactly.
c. Preserving the lifestyles of the nation’s guitar manufacturers and luthiers. Each person's discretionary income is at their discretion.
d. Ensuring the financial viability and well-being of every restaurant in Boulder. See C. above.
9. Fish plays the following musical instruments with at least an introductory degree of competence:
a. Flatulator, mouth raspberry, and burp talking. That is so rude.
b. Banjo. (Know how to get the banjo player off your front porch? Pay him for the pizza.) Not yet.
c. Accordion. (Know the definition of “perfect pitch?” That’s when you throw the accordion into the dumpster and it lands on the banjo.) Too complicated.
d. Piano and mandolin. Trying!
10. In the past year, Fish and Charlier traveled to:
a. Point Reyes and San Francisco, California. Shoulda seen Fish fall on her butt outside a revolving door at a fancy hotel - while wearing a skirt. Still ran the Bay to Breakers the next day, tho!
b. Canyonlands NP and Moab, Utah. Spring break is great!!
c. Santa Fe, New Mexico. Summers off, too!
d. Spain, Portugal, Switzerland, Italy and France (in our fantasies). In our fantasies.
e. All of the above.
11. Next year one of us plans to run for the following important political office.
a. Governor of Illinois (although we will consider cash trade for Senate seat). Who's moving to Illinois??
b. Governor of Alaska (although we lost our family moose hunting license and state subsistence check following an unfortunate hunting accident involving a helicopter, a snowmobile and Dick Cheney.) Alaska, no thanks!
c. President of France (but only if first lady Carla Bruni agrees to stay on). Need to alert Charlier that her last name is Sarkozy
d. City of Boulder Commissioner for Flicker Eradication. They'd only have one for preservation. We need a window there.
12. What remarkably advanced age (X) did Fish reach when she celebrated her birthday on March 11 this year?
a. X = ((age of Charlie + age of Andrew) * 3) – 4. Of course, you'd have to know how old they were.
b. X = (age of Charlier – age of Andrew). Same here.
c. X = age of Sarah Palin when Barack Obama completes his second term of office. Guess you could look this one up.
d. All of the above. Must we discuss this???
E-mail us at sandrafish (at) comcast.net or jfc (at) charlier.org.